How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
