We're like a lot better than the average bears
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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