I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
