Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
