I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
