i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
