i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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