Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there's paper in my vomit.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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