I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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