i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
