Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
