New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
