Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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