So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
