roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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