Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i've created a new STD.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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