So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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