Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
