everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The power of my boobs compel you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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