i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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