I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
