There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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