True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
