We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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