ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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