Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
