To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
