508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
