oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
