I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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