Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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