I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
