If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
