I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
