how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
