some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
