he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is Oprah even human
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
