dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
