im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
