this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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