no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
