Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
