Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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