clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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