My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
