you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
