Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
