a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
