Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
