take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My liver just had a heart attack.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
