do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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