We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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