i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
