Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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