Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
