Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
