what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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