I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
