y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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