i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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